In his book, In This Generation, Todd Ahrend (the founder of The Traveling Team) writes: “The possibility that Christian parents are the number one hindrance to world evangelization is truer than we would like to admit.”
John Mott, more than a century ago, also suggested that the number one hindrance to missions was parents.
Kim Ransleben, a current author, Bible teacher, and parent of a college student, agrees and writes the following: “We haven’t been with them much of the time while they’re in college, and the truth is, many of us don’t hear a lot from them while they’re gone. If they’ve grown, parents don’t necessarily hear about it. Add to that, most of us had to work hard and pay a lot of money for them to get their degree. Even if unconsciously, many parents are expecting some sort of return on that costly investment.
Then there’s the impression we get from their lives on social media . . . a lot of coffee pics, sports, and of course, selfies. And now all of a sudden, they have a passion for the unreached? Yes, some parents are skeptical, and some for good reason. How do we know our kids don’t just want to delay getting a job for a few more years?”
Ransleben then provides five helpful tips for how college students can better deal with parents who disapprove of their desire to go to the mission field:
-
Let your parents in on the journey early and often
She suggests: “Your desire to serve overseas shouldn’t be spontaneously announced like you do when you’ve decided to drive to the playoff game or change your hair color. Your parents don’t want to suddenly hear, “Mom, Dad, when I graduate I’m moving to Cambodia.” Share the journey as you walk through it, even in the earliest stages.”
I’ll never forget the first time I shared with my parents about wanting to go to the Middle East. I had just attended a Cru Winter Conference and learned about both the need and the opportunity to serve a summer in Beirut, Lebanon, and after sensing the Lord’s leading, I applied to go. When I had returned home several days later, I was making small talk with my parents about mostly meaningless topics before slipping in, “…which is why I signed up to go to Lebanon.” Literally within seconds of making that statement, a news flash appeared on the screen of Beirut, Lebanon being bombed. My dad looked at me and said, “You want to go there?”
The conversation ended rather abruptly, but a few weeks later, I remember my parents giving me a call while I was back at school to discuss the topic further. My dad said to me, “Your mom and I have prayed about it more, and while it makes us nervous, we just want you to know that if the Lord is leading you there, then we want to support you. We don’t want to get in the way of God.”
Long story short, I went to Lebanon that summer and had an incredible experience, and I actually went back a second time the following year…at the prompting of my parents. But what I had learned was how important it is to keep your parents informed. Not all stories end with the full support of parents, but it is still important to include them early and often.
-
Do for your parents first what you want to do for others
I love this suggestion by Ransleben: “Don’t ask them to export overseas what they don’t even want living with them in the first place.
- Want to go take care of orphans . . . but you leave your dishes in my sink?
- Want to rescue girls from the sex industry . . . but won’t make plans to spend time with your little sister?
- Have a heart for the unreached . . . but roll your eyes at going to our family reunion?
- You think you can fly across the world . . . but can’t manage to get your homework in on time?
- Want us to ask our friends to give you money . . . but you just bought another pair of Toms and that latte you just tweeted about?
Jesus commands us to go, to make disciples of all nations, but don’t forget that he told the apostles to start in Jerusalem — where they were. If you want your parents to believe that you’ll be faithful stewards out there, give them an idea what that looks like right here.”
-
Watch your attitude
If you don’t immediately receive the support of your parents, don’t throw a fit. When is the last time that throwing a fit helped you get your way?
Again, Ransleben writes: “Remember, you are telling them you want to take this good news to people who are indifferent at best, often hostile. Those people will ignore you, question you, and ridicule you. So when you’re met with that attitude in your own home, how do you act? We want to know because what you are in those moments will likely be what you are when you go. You say you can love those who don’t get it? Show your parents. Show your faith in God’s sovereignty and goodness by the way you handle adversity, by your confidence and joy in him when things don’t go your way.”
-
Make sure that the reason you “have not” isn’t because you’ve “asked not.”
It is written in James 4:2, “You do not have because you do not ask God.” Let that not be true of your relationship with your parents. Don’t just pray for those you desire to serve, but also pray for your parents.
Ransleben asks: “How did you awaken to God’s heart for the nations? Are you just that smart? Just that loving? Just that in touch with the needs of the world? Do your parents just need to be more like you? Or are you the humble servant who was blind but now sees because of God’s gracious movement in you? If so, prove it through your prayers for your parents. As you pray for those you love overseas, pray for mom and dad. God alone moves hearts. If you really understand that, you’ll beg him for the hearts of your family to be on fire for his glory to be displayed in this world more than you will preach to them about it all. He’s honored to answer your prayers because it shows off the depths of our dependence on him and the glory of his grace towards his children. So, kids, pray.”
-
Love your parents well . . . even when you can’t follow them.
As mentioned earlier, not all stories end with the full support of your parents, but you still have an obligation to love them well.
Ransleben (again, who is a mother of a college student) writes one last time: “It may be that after all this, your parents still don’t get it, and you still go. But as you go, they should know by your life how much you love them, that you’re only obeying a higher authority over your life. In fact, they will know that you have become the very person they wanted you to become. You will love others well, serve wherever you are, be respectful to authority, communicate without fits or causing harm, and pursue with great intensity the things you feel passionate about.
At the end of the day, they may not get it. But they will be so very proud of you anyway. It doesn’t hurt your parents when you reject what they think. You hurt them when you reject them. Love them well as you make the first of what may be many choices that your parents disagree with.”
There is much to learn from these five tips – for both students and parents. Much of Ransleben’s article has already been quoted, but if you would like to read her article in it’s entirety, click here.
